We found out we were expecting really early on, earlier than most people. We had been “trying” for a few months after returning from vacation in May and with no success, I was starting to get a little upset. I was just so excited to start our family that when my cycle came every month or I had yet another negative pregnancy test I just felt like a failure. I even experienced a chemical pregnancy and cried for a day. I know, super silly but that’s how much I wanted to have a baby! By the time November rolled around I told Adam I wanted to quit trying for awhile, besides I really didn’t want to be 9 months pregnant in the summer in Houston. I went about our life, we went out for a nice birthday dinner and shared some wine. The following weekend we flew to Oklahoma with our sweet friends and spent the weekend in Stillwater, enjoying a Wildcat victory and getting shown the old college spots. That Saturday, I woke up and remember not feeling super well. I didn’t feel like drinking, which is not typical of a game day for me if you know me! After a Thanksgiving trip back to Kansas and catching a nasty cold, I still wasn’t quite myself that weekend and so I thought before I take anything I better just take a test just in case. It was probably close to midnight, Adam was asleep. I started by using one of the cheap strips that came with my ovulation kit that I had purchased off Amazon so that I didn’t waste another expensive pregnancy test. The strip came out with the a faint but definitely there positive line. I couldn’t believe it. So, I took one more home pregnancy test and it turned quickly positive and just for good measure I took 2 more and waited the endless 3 minutes. Clear as day on the Clear blue we had a pregnant. I was shaking, I was so shocked with overwhelming emotions. I didn’t wake Adam, although I had wanted to. Instead, I pulled out the onesie I had purchased many months before for just this occasion. I laid out the onesies with all the positive tests in our breakfast nook and setup the go pro to try and catch his reaction when he left for work in the morning. When his alarm went off I tried my hardest to pretend to stay asleep, once he was in the shower I got the camera paired up and jumped back in bed. And waited for him to kiss me goodbye. It was so fun to hear his reaction from upstairs and it was a wonderful surprise for him. And so the adventure began.
Now It’s getting real.
The first trimester took forever for me. I wasn’t sick, didn’t really have a lot of the true pregnancy symptoms but I read WAY too many articles that kept repeating the high percentage of miscarriages that every little cramp or any small feeling that wasn’t normal I was terrified I was losing this precious gift. That’s part of the reason we waited so long to tell people. I wanted to be well in the clear and had a lot of my own personal fears to overcome. I went to the doctor at 6 weeks, which is earlier than a lot of people. There was no heartbeat and our PA said not to worry that I was probably just not as far along as we thought and changed our due date to August 9th from Aug 4th. So just a few extra days. We had wanted to tell our families in person over Christmas but would not be going back to the doctor until after the new year. I debated with Adam if we even tell them, we didn’t get that “oh my gosh look at that little nugget and listen to that beautiful heart” moment so our fears were still high. Adam put me at ease by reminding me that telling people won’t change our fate. If something was going to happen, it would happen regardless if we kept the news to ourselves or if we shared. He made a good point and so we shared with our parents and siblings during presents. It was such a fun moment to have with each of them.
The Big Day
I knew that a c-section was a possibility since our 20 week anatomy scan in late March. My placenta was low lying and so I was scheduled for a followup ultrasound to get a better measurement. At the followup ultrasound, the tech we had this time said she wouldn’t call it low lying she would say it’s previa. At this point my placenta was basically touching my cervix; it wasn’t fully covering it however, which was a good thing. My doctor said not to worry, this typically resolves itself as the uterus grows and the pregnancy progresses but ordered monthly ultrasounds to continue checking it’s position and put me on pelvic rest. She said that if it hasn’t moved out of the way far enough (2.5 cm or greater) by 34 weeks we would schedule a c-section for 37 weeks. I was devastated. As a first time mom, you want to do everything right. You want to do everything the way God created you to do your job as a mother. To grow your little one and deliver them as naturally as possible. I cried so many nights as I read about previa and about risks and about mothers who had horrible experiences with c-sections. I thought, my God, they may have to strap my arms down, they may have to put me under. I may not get to hold my baby or even see my baby right away. Worst of all I thought, this is just a surgery. They are just going to take my baby before he’s ready, just cut him out like he’s a useless organ or a disease. I wasn’t going to have that panic call to Adam that it’s time to go or feel the pains of childbirth or feel the miracle and relief of feeling and seeing my baby be born. I was absolutely heartbroken and defeated when every month the ultrasounds barely showed any movement. I wasn’t on bedrest but I felt like I practically was, no heavy lifting, no squats, be very careful I thought. I had been very careful for 3 months and went back and forth between accepting that whatever was meant to be would be and angry that my body was doing this to me. So at 34 weeks, I held my breath and was grateful it was the initial tech (the one that gave me a more generous reading the very first time) that was doing my scan. When she said 2.5 cm that day, I could have jumped for joy. It was like a weight lifted until my doctor said if it had been 2.6 she would have been fine but since it was right on the edge of “safe”, she wanted one more ultrasound just to be sure. Why not. At 37 weeks, my placenta had moved over 3 cm away, finally my doctor was appeased! We could start planning for a vaginal deliver of baby boy, praise God.
Myles was not ready to come anytime soon though and at 40 weeks on my due date, August 9th, we did another ultrasound to check that he was safe to wait another week and we scheduled an induction for the 14th just in case. Apparently, nobody likes to wait around very long anymore. Fluid looked great, he did everything perfectly for the tech and was doing just fine in his little world. I was curious to see how much he had grown as he was on the smaller side. At 34 weeks he was just under 5 lbs. The tech said he was right at 6 lbs from what she could tell. Little guy but I wasn’t worried. My doctor’s physician assistant called me around 3pm that day to review the ultrasound with me. She said that her and Dr. Hardy were concerned at his growth, it was less than 10th percentile which was a huge concern. She said at this point it is more the growth from week to week they look at rather than overall growth and so after researching and discussing with other doctors they agreed that they should go ahead and induce me that day to let baby boy grow outside the uterus in case there is any sort of growth restriction happening and to give my placenta (that stupid placenta again) a break from working so hard. So, I called Adam and gave him the news that the hospital could call at any time to get us in. Since this was a medical induction not an elective induction, my name should be at the top of the list. Adam finished up and headed home. We waited, and waited, and waited for a phone call. Nothing came. At about 7, we took Ralphie on a walk the park and I called the hospital just to make sure I wasn’t suppose to do anything. They said no, they would call us as soon as a bed was available. We waited some more, I took a shower and we both fell asleep on the couch. I woke up around 1 am and was so annoyed. Here I had Adam come all the way home, freaked him out and these people aren’t even going to call us. I was mad. I thought, they forgot about us. The P.A. did say it could be anywhere from 4 pm to 4 am that they would call. Seriously? How crazy is that. About an hour later at 2 am, I got the call. It was time to go!
We got checked in to the hospital at 3 am and waited for about another 30 minutes to get a room. They were really busy. Just in the time we had been waiting we saw 3 other women come in, some pretty well into labor. Once we got our room, I got changed and situated and they started getting me all hooked up. I was super nervous to say the least. I don’t like needles and I’ve never had an IV before, so needless to say I wasn’t too thrilled. It felt weird and it hurt. When the nurse checked me she was pretty rough and it was probably the most painful thing about the whole day long process, I think I nearly squeezed Adam’s hand off while she was digging around down there, ouch! She wasn’t a bad nurse, she was just at the end of her shift and being pulled in a million different directions since there were, like I said before, so many people having babies that night. So the whole first 3 hours were pretty odd. About 6 am they gave me Cervidil to get the ball rolling. After our birthing class, there were a few things we had discussed for our birth plan. Adam & I really didn’t want to induce, we didn’t want pitocin nor did we want our water to be broken. We knew that this could cause more problems, put us on a timeline and seemed to increase the chance of a c-section. But when they mentioned inducing at my 39 week appointment Adam asked if I was ok with that. I was, because by this point I was just ready to meet our little guy and so done being pregnant. So at 9 am when the doctor came in to check me and I was still at 1 cm she said to start the pitocin and then we will check again in a couple hours and the next step would be to break the water. Our new nurse, Caitlin, was amazing. God truly blessed us with an amazing dat nurse. She was patient, explained everything and what would happen next and talked us through our options. We mentioned our concerns about breaking my water and we asked for her opinion, she said she agreed with us. That if I was 3 or more cm then maybe but if I was still 1 or 2 she thought it was still too early and there was just no real benefit to it. She said she could talk to the doctor for us to ensure that our wishes were met. Afternoon, we finally made it to 3 cm. Man did my body not want to cooperate. I decided I still wanted to wait a little longer since my body was starting to respond and do what it was meant to on it’s own. Adam & I settled in and started to watch the Sinner on Netflix and about 2:15 I felt a sudden warm rush pour out of my body. I looked at Adam and said, ‘I think my water broke or I just peed myself’. When I reached down and pulled my hand out, it was all blood. I didn’t think that was normal and it kept sort of squirting out of me. We called our nurse and she helped me get cleaned up a little and called the doctor to make sure I wasn’t having a placental rupture. Myles heart rate never changed. He was still as steady as could be and the doctor and nurse thought it may have been a partial abruption but that since baby was not showing any signs of distress, all seemed fine and we could just monitor it and continue but that I might need to start preparing myself for a possible c-section. Again, I knew this was a possibility since 20 weeks. So even though I had wanted to wait for the epidural until I was 5 cm, I knew that if we had to do a c-section I didn’t want to be put under so I said let’s get the epidural just to be ready in case we need to. The epi went well and the bleeding let up so Caitlin thought maybe it was just irritation from when they last checked my cervix but around 4:30 I could tell that I had started to bleed again but it didn’t seem like a lot. When Caitlin checked me around 5 pm I had made it to 4 cm but there was a lot of blood and some large clots being passed that really concerned her. She was concerned enough to tell me that she thinks we ought to go ahead and prep for a surgery and brought in Dr. Steele. They all talked to us so calmly but with a bit of urgency in their voices. At 4:51 pm I had texted my mom to tell her to text Adam when they got to the hospital that I thought they should be able to visit in the L&D room. By a little after 5 pm they were wheeling me into surgery and rushed Adam out of the room. It felt like a million people were in the room with me, they were all very sweet, the anesthesiologist chatted with me and walked me through what I should feel and shouldn’t feel and the nurses and surgeons were yelling out all sorts of medical things getting things prepared. Adam came in in his getup just in time for them to start. It happened very fast, and after what seemed only a matter of minutes I heard “Happy Birthday Myles!” and his first cries. I teared up so grateful he was here. I asked Adam if he could see him and he stood up try to get a picture but unlike I had asked him to too do before they started cutting, the camera was not ready and the picture did not turn out, that’s perfectly fine though. 🙂 The nurse walked past and allowed me to see his white covered body and touch briefly his long, little leg as they rushed him across the hall to check him out. Adam went with Myles while they finished closing me up.
When they brought Myles back in they asked if I wanted to hold him, I was so numb and out of it I was so scared my arms wouldn’t work and I’d drop him, so I said no. I regret that now but I did not do well with all the drugs! I kept feeling like I was in and out of it. I only felt semi human when Myles was in my arms in recovery. Myles had trouble keeping his temperature so he spent a lot of time in the warmer in the nursery but was able to come and try and nurse with me every so often. We spent a little over 2 hours in c-section recovery while our parents waited oh so patiently in the waiting room. We finally got to a room around 8 or 9 and our parents got to meet Myles quickly before they all headed out for bed.
My labor story didn’t go like I had planned, most don’t. It wasn’t that fairy tale, made for the movies surprise labor and push momma, push. I was laying flat on the table staring at a ceiling, holding my husband’s hand. It definitely wasn’t what I had dreamed of or what I wanted when I first saw that positive pregnancy test but in the end we have an absolutely adorable little boy who is small but healthy. Who is the strongest little guy ever and we couldn’t be more blessed.
Welcome to the world Myles!