2019. Wow! We made it! What a holiday season we had. So many firsts for our little family. Myles made it to about 10:30 NYE which was MUCH later than was expected (nor wanted haha). 2 days into the new year and I’ve already read so many wonderful, hopeful and positive things that everyone is aiming for this year. I am especially loving the word of the year thing that is floating around. I have a few resolutions but the primary one that I have been reflecting on since early December is to be more present in my own life and attempt to let things roll off me a little easier. This is not an easy task I realize this. I guess my word of the year would be pause. Pause and be thankful for what I have, to pause before reacting to comments, pause and remove negative thoughts and to pause and think before posting something on social media.
Perhaps it’s because I just had a baby that it seems everyone on my Facebook feed is also having babies. They say if you are thinking about something you tend to see that something more often than if you weren’t. Which is why when I was pregnant it seemed the whole world was pregnant at the same time. Anywho. I love pictures of babies and seeing how others are adjusting to their new lives; mostly so I can see if I’m doing it right or totally wrong. I have been able to connect with so many others (most much younger than I lol) who experienced similar things or went through the hard patches already and have great advice ready to give. However, there is a time and place for everything and it’s easy to get so wrapped up in your own life that you may forget about your audience and empathizing with them. My brother refuses to let his son be on any Facebook posts and he calls it facebragging. To that latter point, I would agree. I have opted to share my son and our lives to keep up with old classmates but more importantly with distant family members I don’t see anymore as we’ve grown. 80% of what I see online could be construed as bragging, most of the time without the poster even realizing it. I probably facebrag and don’t realize it all the time. So this is what brought on my New Year’s resolution. But to really understand it, let me give you some additional background.
Just before Christmas we had my husband’s holiday party. Adam’s mom drove all the way from Kansas just to babysit Myles for that one night so we could have a nice evening out without worrying about what time we needed to be home. I got to put on a fancy dress, wear heels and curl my hair. I felt pretty and happy! We mingled before dinner and caught up with lots of very sweet people and everyone asked how baby was. And then I got the comment that I always dread. “You look like you didn’t even have a baby.” Now, that may shock you. Why would I dread that comment? Well, because while it’s a compliment and I’m not at all offended by it and am very flattered, really; I hate what it always implies to the person saying it. Most of the time when someone says you look great, that’s simple and wonderful. I can just thank them and I know they mean it and we move on. But in this instance that comment was followed up with: “You had a baby 4 months ago and are still smaller than me!” Ouch. That’s why I hate it. I hate it because others start judging themselves.
So this is why when I see posts about “I’m already to my pre-pregnancy weight!” on social media, I cringe. (This has in fact happened twice in the span of 2 weeks on my newsfeed) I’m so happy for them; seriously, it’s great! I’m glad they are proud of that and they rightfully should be. And maybe if these posts were made by different people, I may even not roll my eyes at them. Let’s be honest people; if you are at your pre-pregnancy weight 2 weeks postpartum, it’s got little to do with hard work. I too was at my pre-pregnancy weight pretty much a few days after birth (and in fact lighter now – which I blame on the fact that I rarely remember to eat haha) but the truth is you can be skinny and still be unhealthy. You can be skinny fat. That’s me! And just because genetics gave me a petite frame and a fast metabolism doesn’t mean that I’m better than you because you have to work really hard to be a healthy weight or a weight you are proud of. And good genes definitely doesn’t give me the right to boast about my skinny butt. These little moments where I have to bite my tongue seem all too often these days. Am I just getting bitter in my age or have we lost all our filters?
It’s one thing to post about weight when you have worked really hard and made amazing changes. Those workout posts and before and afters are so inspiring. It’s even alright to talk about it if you are selling something (although let’s all agree that those should be kept to a minimum) but if you have always been a smaller person and have never had to worry about weight, you should probably leave your ab selfies off social media as a common courtesy. End rant.
So back to letting things roll off me quicker! Let’s use this year to choose better words and be more conscious of our social media postings. Personally, I have 3 things I hope to see myself committed to in 2019.
- Learn & use my DSLR camera to its maximum potential.
- Dive into scripture – I bought this book on sale at Target several months ago and thought it would make a nice present until I realized it would serve me better. 🙂
- Let words just be that – words. I hope to choose them wisely and thoughtfully with everyone I meet and be gracious with words that are said to me.
Being a new mom, I make it a point to simply say “You look great!” to every other new mom no matter what. It’s never a lie, no matter their size or circumstance. This woman’s body just went through hell, they went through hell and a number on the scale means nothing in comparison to what a beautiful, tiny human they just created. I urge you all to do the same. Just a small and tiny gesture that says you are a rockstar with no hidden meaning or followup put down.
Let’s make this year a beautiful one! What are some of your resolutions this year?